Update!

So, I really need to write about stuff in these so I think I will. I mean I know I write but I dont write anything good that people are going to actually want to read.

Tonight I went a on date type thing-ish. Okay, I wouldn't really call it a date but yeah. Here's what went down. Me and Travis meet up at the falls by the police department, we walked around and talked about stuff, than went back to his house and than we ended up going to Applebee's with Jared and their friend Sarah. It was a fun night though and Travis and I agreed that we need to hang out more. So that was fun.

I'm spending the day in Oberlin tomorrow with Sara. We're going to go see a free play so that should be fun.

Hmm, what else. Oh. I have a job interview Monday for Michael's. I'm really hoping that I get it because if I do than that means I can go to Chicago in August! Which would be just amazing. Well I think thats it for now.

<3.

More Photography ;D

This picture and the last one are from my Final Photography Portfolio. :) Each picture was done on a 35mm camera, hand developed, and hand processed in a dark room by me. Wooo.
<3.
So, what do you think of it?

Photography Time :)

I'm so proud of this photograph. You don't even know.
<3.

Offical LCCC Schedule.

Tuesday & Thursdays:

-Personality Theories: 11:00-12:15
-Intro To Shakespeare: 1:00-2:15
-Creative Writing: 4:00-5:15

Online Classes:
-Art History
-Basic Human Nutrition (this was actually on the list of classes at AIP...)

Yep.
:D


<3.

Not so Angsty.

First off I just want to say that its storming outside and I love, thunderstorms. It's such a summer time thing. :)

Anywho.
I'm less angsty now, which is good. Things didn't work out with Pittsburgh but Im just going to go to LCCC for another year and take classes that are going to transfer to AIP. Than I got my cell phone put in my name so I can earn some credit and I can get loans for AIP in my name. And plus it gives me a year to save money for down there and what not, and Im going to be saving a lot of money off of tuition as well. So I guess it's not all that bad.

And I have an interview Wednesday at Sears so I'm hoping that goes well because I really need a job so I can pay my car payment and cell phone bill and than save money for all the road trips next summer!

I think this is it for now, I'm going to go lay in bed and fall asleep listening to the storm.

<3.

Can You Tell Me?

“Can you tell me, what is it you’re afraid of?”


I think I’m reaching the point where everything is just continuing to build up and frankly I’m quite tired of it. This whole cosigner thing for college is ridiculous. All I need is someone to cosign for my first year of college and that I can be off and on my way to Pittsburgh in July, but lord forbid it be that easy. And it just sucks so much because this is what I want, I want to move to a big city, I want to get away from here and everyone, I want to go to an art school, and I want to be a photographer. But than of course its not all this easy. And I’m at a lost here. So lets break this into two different things, one being what my mom wants and the other being what I want.


What my mom wants:
First of all she wants me to go to school to be a teacher….first of all, I don’t even like kids but according to her I’m good with them. Second of all that requires me to speak in front of people which I don’t do. I can’t talk in front of people so why would I want to do something the requires me every day to get up in front of kids and talk? Yeah, no. But now she is also suggesting that I stay here, in Ohio, in which I hate, and continue to go to LCCC and while I’m a full time student at LCCC she wants me to work a full time job. So where do I find time to do homework or have a social life? Yeah, that’s right, there’s not time for that. And finally she always wanted to be a teacher and I feel like she’s pressuring me into living out her dream job since she cant.


“I am the one who waited and now you act like you just don’t give a damn, like you never knew who I am.”

What I want:
It’s the complete opposite of what my mom wants from me. My number one goal, well thing I want is to go to AIP in Pittsburgh for two years and major in Photography. Than after AIP I want to move to NYC and work for some magazine or do freelance. In my mind I just have this picture of me living in a loft in the East Village riding the subway into the city everyday and working and doing what I love. And maybe I could even do headshots for Playbills and famous actors. And than somewhere in the midst of all of this I find that one guy who understands my passion, who actually has things in common with me and who most of all gives me those butterflies every time I see him. That’s what I want in my life, I want to get away from Ohio and start my own life and live the life I want, not one that my mom wants me to have. She’s so conservative and she doesn’t understand what enthralls to this kind of life style. She doesn’t understand the passion I have for creativity. Her and I don’t appreciate the same things. And I want to be my own person and be able to form my opinion on controversial topics and not have to sit here and defend myself. I shouldn’t have to defend what I want when its my life and not hers.

“Some days I think I’m dying but I’m really only trying to get through.”

It feels at times that I’m just holding onto some kind of wish but this is what I want more than anything. I will do anything to make sure that I have this life, to make sure this is what I do with my career but most of all to make sure that I’m happy, not anyone else. Which I know probably sounds really selfish but I need to do what is going to make me happy and what I want.

This is the one thing I think I’m good at. No matter how much I love theater (musical and straight acting both) there is NO way I could pursue a career in that. No matter how much I love writing there’s no way to pursue a career in that either. As much as I love both of these I don’t require the talent for either of those. But photography, it’s the one thing that I am semi good at. It’s the one time I can feel at peace with myself and I feel like I’m doing something right.

I’m just really stressed out.

I know what I want and I feel like she, along with everyone else in my family isn’t supporting me in what I want to do. I know its not what they had in mind me for me but than my family needs to realize that I’m not like them. I wouldn’t be content with an office job and with living in Ohio my whole life, that’s not me and I need to do what is me. Sooner or later I’ll figure this all out but right now I just feel pressured and really stressed. Maybe this will all happen sooner than I think or maybe it will take some time but it’s what I want and I will do whatever it takes to make sure I achieve what I want.


“Can I turn to you, in my need. Will you take me back or watch me bleed? Are you there, there at all? And as I fall from the person that I tried to be, could you really love someone life me?” -’Once Upon A Time’ from Bare

Spring Awakening Part 2.

Wendla than finds Melchior writing in his diary and he ask her to sit with him for a while, so she does. They are both uneasy around one another and this leads to "Word Of Your Body". After this the other girls run out and Martha's braid come undone and Thea tells her not to worry about, that isn't it such a hassle to braid it each day? Wendla exclaims that tomorrow she is going to bring scissors and thats when Martha tells her not to because her dad beats her enough as it is. Martha shows rest of the girls the bruise on her arm from her father which leads to the song "The Dark I Know Well" the song is split up between Martha who is abused by her father and Ilse who was sexually abused by her father and who also ran away from home. After the song Wendla goes to find Melchior and when she does she tell him about Martha and says that she has never felt anything before. She holds up a stick and ask him to beat her with it. At first her denies her and than he complies and when he does he gets carried about and beats her with his fist.

Moritz had found out that he did not pass the semester and that he would probably not be promoted to the next year of classes. Fanny Gabor, Melchi's mom, wrote Moritz a letter in response to the one he had sent her. This leads to the song "And Than There Were None", which is a combination of Fanny writing the letter to Moritz and him responding back to her. Than Melchior is in his hayloft and he too is now confused of his body even though he knows more than most of his classmates, this leads to the song "Mirror Blue Night" in which he claims he is a man and a child. Wendla finds him and he does not want to face her due to what he did to her. She convinces him to talk to her and they do. Than all of a sudden they are confessing their love for one another. Melchi wants to take it one step further but Wendla who has no one idea whats going on tells him no. He keeps talking to her and they begin to kiss and once more he tries to go further than just kissing. Finally Wendla agrees to it and they have sex. All the other kids come and grabs the side of the hayloft and sing "I Believe". And this ends Act 1.






I will write act 2 later

Spring Awakening <3. Part 1.

So, I realize that I write about Spring Awakening a lot and people may not know what it is. Therefore, I am going to write about it and through in some pictures from it as well. Because I'm a loser and that's how I roll. There's probably going to be a ton of spoiler so if you don't want to be spoiled than you should probably stop reading.

The play starts off with Wendla, the main girl character, standing on a chair. This leads to the song "Mama Who Bore Me", she is unsure of her body and therefore is using her hands to explore it. After the song is over her mother comes in telling her that the stork has brought her sister another baby. Wendla, who is [i believe] 14 tells her mother that she can not still believe in the stork and this leads to her asking her mom where babies come from. Needles to say her mother is taken aback and at first refuses to tell Wendla where they come from. After some convincing her mother tells her that in order to conceive a child she must love her husband and only her husband with her whole heart. And that's how babies are made. Wendla exclaims, "Mama!" which leads into "Mama Who Bore Me(Reprise)" this time with all the other girl characters joining in.

Than we are in a classroom where the boys of Spring Awakening are reciting Latin. The teacher calls on all of them but when he calls on Moritz he is asleep so when the teacher wakes him up he messes up the words of Latin he is supposed to be saying for the teacher. Melchior, Moritz's friend stands up and defends him after the teacher begins to yell at Moritz. The teacher turns on Melchior than which leads to the song, "All That's Known". The teacher leaves and Moritz thanks Melchior and than proceeds to tell him about the 'nightmare' he had had. Melchior explains that the other boys such as Otto and Georg have had the same kind of dream as well and that it was completely alright but Moritz is so terrified about what is happening to his body. The teacher walks back in and catches the boys talking, he grabs Moritz by the ear and yells at him which leads to the song, "The Bitch of a Living". All the other boys leave and Melchior ask Moritz if he wants him to tell him about sex with a woman and Moritz tells him to write it down.

All the girls come out and are talking about what they are wearing to their friends wedding and Wendla states that she can not go to it because of the man her friend is marrying. Than the girls begin to talk about their crushes and who they hope to marry. This leads to the song "My Junk" the light fades on the girls and high light on Hanschen who is masturbating to a picture of Desdemona as Othello is getting ready to murder her, than the light fades on him and lights up on Georg who is having a piano lesson and is getting turned on by his piano teacher. The girls start to dance, Hanschen continues to masturbate, and Georg's piano teacher rips off her top and they start to dance with one another and this is all done while the are singing rest of the song. They all run off the stage and than we find Melchior in his room writing in his diary. His mother comes in and tells him that Moritz is there, Moritz runs in and exclaims that he was up all night reading the essay Melchi had wrote him. He says he is confused by it and ask how the woman must feel and Melchi tells him that he just puts himself in the woman's place and imagine what it must feel for her. This leads to "Touch Me". During the song all the other boys come out with copies of Melchi's letter and lays down and reads them. Than the girls come out as well and they follow one another in a line singing rest of the song.




I will write more later!

my foot really itches.
no really it does, but that is not the point of the blog. so lets throw in a random picture eh? alright lets do this.

oh! there was a point to this blog and now i completely remember! so i called my admission adviser yesterday to find out about the transcripts that were sent to her, i was expecting maybe you know five credit hours to transfer over but when i called she told me that 17 credit hours transfered!! and that's saving me $8,500 dollars this semester. the finical aid adviser is going to call me monday and let me know if my financial aid is going to cover all the expenses now and if they do than well i'm out of ohio in a month! so im keeping my fingers crossed that this will all work out. im getting so pumped now. haha.

also, i read somewhere that lucas wells auditioned for spring awakening online, he sent in his video on the website and what not and now [well he's been there for a while] is on with the spring awakening cast. so this gives me hope on sending in my audition via the inter webs. i keep saying im going to do it but knowing me i will NEVER get around to it because thats how i roll. haha.

blah.blah. i got kicked out of my house a few days ago but now im back. i can stay here as long as i go talk to someone or whatever. and my mom is turning the internet off but i can check all the websites and stuff at the library and maybe it will be good for me not to have a steady source of the internet. whatevs man. because hopefully i will be gone soon anyways :)

well i think this covers it for now. im off to bed.

<333.

ohh man;;

kicked out of the house. slept on brittany's basement floor last night and now im super siiick. and when im sick i am not happy at all.

17 credit hours transfered to AIP, they're going to call me monday and let me know if all my financial aid will cover the price now.

i think this covers it for now.
<3.