gjljglaejhj

gilrjglkjwrjgywrjglkjear.

Yeah, thats right I said that. I hate Ohio. I dont want to go back to school. And I've been nothing but stressed and irritated. Ha. Pretty much sums up my life. But ohhhh well. I need a vacation. I want to go to NYC. And Im losing my job in January. Awesome. Boo. PMS-Y.

<333.

Oh my poor, poor blog. I'm sorry I have abandoned you these last few days. I've been having this thing called a life and it requires me to be away from the computer. I promise not to make a habit out of it or anything. Really. Pinky Promise. Now I feel better that I have apologized to my blog (and of course you poor poor people who subject yourselves to read this). Like I said I've been having this thing called a life, it's been real nice. Treating me nicely, taking me out to dinners and long romantic walks on the beach. Sensual nights in the.....well you get the picture. Kelly and I went to the beach and were rebels and climb over the wall thing blocking us from our beloved beach. Than Steph and Kelly came and kidnapped me. Than I went bowling with Sara, Jolynn, and Brittany. I think I did some other things this week but I'm not for sure. Oh! Oh! I also went to school this week, well okay minus Thursday but I was sick and still am sick! Sad Face! So this week: I'm off till Saturday so I will be spending hours upn hours in the dark room trying to get my photography portfolio together. Which means I will spend money I dont have on film and paper to get this portfolio done which also means I will have to actually go out and take pictures. Boo. I also need to write my two essays that are way pass due. I will also work on my creative writing final story conflict whatever it is piece thingy. AND THAN IM GOING TO SEE WICKED!! AHH! So excited. And on top of that Im calling Detroit to see if there are any stage seats left for Spring Awakening. So so so so so excited.

Okay, I'm sleepy.
Bye-bye.

Nanowrimo

Alright, so November is National Novel Writing Month, I try to do this every November. Pretty much the goal is to write a novel (50,000 words) in November. Anywho, it's only day what 5? And I'm stuck. So I'm going to post what I have so far and than I want any and all feed back from you. Tell me what you think, plot ideas, anything. :)

Having grown up in a small Christian Georgia town, Duncan was used to disapproving looks. Whether if was from his father when he told him he would be playing the lead role in the school musical. Or from his peers that were around when he turned the head cheerleader, Judy Carmichael down when she asked him to Prom. So the glares that he was receiving from the two red haired ladies walking pass the theater as he kissed his boyfriend Chase had no affect on him what so ever. He watched as Chase disappeared behind the theater doors before shoving his hands into his pockets and heading down 7th Avenue. Duncan had met Chase right after he had moved into the city; he was sitting in the waiting room at a casting office when Chase walked in. Instantly he was drawn to him; startled by his brilliant green eyes and wind swept blonde hair. Duncan, who had only been in New York for two weeks was taken somewhat aback when Chase walked over and sat down next to him. One glance at each other and the conversation flowed effortlessly, that was until Chase was called into the directors office. He later would find out that Chase had received the part he too was auditioning for. Usually he would have been bothered by this news but a week later Chase asked him on a date and the rest was history. The part that he wanted was gone but he had a new opportunity in a new city with the most gorgeous boy he had ever seen.
Back in his small East Village apartment Duncan threw his coat on the floor and made his way to the small and very outdated kitchen; his two cats, Nodsey and Tubbs rubbed against his leg begging for food and attention. Opening his fridge he placed a bowl of day old tuna on the floor to keeps the cats busy as he began to dig for something that looked some what edible for himself. To his surprised he found a block of cheese that was only a week and a half passed the expiration date to him finding something this fresh was a treat. With the cheese in hand he moved to the pantry and removed the few pieces of bread covered in mold until he found two pieces the were untainted. He quickly made a grilled cheese and was surprised at how un burnt it was considering he didn’t have any butter to put in the pan.



Thaaanks!!
<3.

Fall Time <3.

First of all, let me just say that I LOVE this weather. I skipped Creative Writing and went to Starbucks with Sara. So much fun! But yeah, it's been a while since I wrote, I'm too lazy right now to go into specifics so yeah. Hmm. I get to buy my Spring Awakening tickets in two months and I'm very excited, holler. So sleepy. Ohh man.

I need to find some local/community theater to get into. Yup.

<3.

Remember A Year In The Life Of Friends

Okay, cue sappy blog. Haha. I'm kidding. But no really, this summer has been amazing and I have to say that I have such an amazing group of friends. People I have known a while and people who I knew throughout high school but never really talked to them, and let me say I'm so glad I started talking to them and hanging out with them. I love the crazy things we do, bon fires, trips to hot waters when its only 70 something outside at 7pm at night, adventures to Wal-Mart, sleep overs, road trips, and so much more. This summer has been amazing and everything. I'm so glad to have this group of friends that I know I can turn to if I need them, who I know is going to make me laugh. I can be myself around them and not feel all self conscience, and its pretty amazing.


But now I'm tired and I have school in the morning.
<3.

what do you think of this?

for creative writing we have to write a poem based off of a picture. im very stuck on this. here's one of the poem's i wrote, it's based off of a picture of new york, let me know what you think:

i want to get lost in your neon eyes,
i see the reflection of maybe and chances etched on your face.
I want you to cover me with your blanket of smog,
like you would a small child at night.

let me weave my way in and out of you,
like men in business suits.
Make my feet tremble
with the train underneath your concrete body.
Capture me like an animal with your skyscraper limbs
so I can never leave your beautiful city,
full of restlessness and dreams.

Allergies, D; boo. I love how they act up AFTER I get back from the fair. Haha. Anyhow, Sara and I went to the fair and it was a lot funner than we expected. Saw some people we knew, ate a lot of food that we probably shouldn't have ate. And than Sara bought me a coffee since it was kind of coldish. I rather it be cold than be in the 90's ya know?

So now I'm watching Madea goes to Jail with my parents but I think I'm going to bed since I have to be at work at 10:30. Boo.

I wanna go see Taking Woodstock soooo bad. And stuff. I think this is it for now, so holler.

Inspiration :D

I love when I get inspired to write stuff, espically poems! And somehow taking a creative writing class at LC has inspired me to write poems? Weird, right? I know. I want to post the stuff I write but I dunno if I'm going to post it here or make another blog for it. We'll see with time. But anywho, I wrote this poem at lik 4am (no lie) and wanted to see what you guys though...think? It;s just a rough draft but meh.

sex sells-
and thats all that matters to you.
a diferent bed everynight-
you can no longer tell their faces apart-
just one big blur in your vision.

your makeup smeared across your face,
hair across a pillow-
knotted and tangled.
and the moans you make are starting to sound fake.

but somehow it seems worth it the morning after,
as you wash the smell of him
out of your hair,
he was nothing but another man
in your sex driven game.

and now that i typed it out i realized im not a big fan of it. lol. ohh well.
<3.

Creative Writing :D

So this is my first poem for my creative writing class and I want to know what you guys think of it! Feel free to be harsh, haha. Also it needs a title. Yeah.

to dream it to touch the untouchable,
your fingers can caress freedom like a small child.
you can cling to wisdom and youth
without them being wiped away by the savage storm that is awake.
you find yourself in a world where hunger and war doesn't exist,
for they are a distant idea like reality.
to dream,
or to be awake,
is nothing but the foolishness you find yourself in.

<3.

Comfort Food & Sad Songs

I'm feeling pretty bummed, I'm not even gonna lie. I mean, this summer has been great and Chicago was such an amazing time. I got to hangout with a ton of people and do so really awesome stuff and now I just feel kind of stuck.


So, what am I doing? Eating my moms pasta (guilty comfort food), getting fatter, and listening to sad songs. Because thats what I do at times like these. I mean I'll go months and months of being so happy and than out of no where this depression hits me like a ton of bricks and it makes me hate myself more than I usually do. I wish I was prettier, I wish I was skinnier, I wish I could sing, I wish I had more self confidence. I wish boys would look at me and not be repulsed.

I don't know what I'm doing with my life anymore and it scares me more than anything. I just want to hide in my room for the next five years.

I dunno, I hate being like this and I hate being depressed but who knows. I dunno.

-Meranda

A Huge Weight..

Has been lifted off my shoulders. Stephanie's friend is going to let us stay at her house while we go to Chicago, this is so awesome and it means we don't have to worry about paying for a motel. This is so so so awesome and I feel like I can finally relax for a bit now. If I could just get this LC stuff figured out we'd be doing good.

Lets Insert Some Angsty Song Lyrics Here....

Okay, so things WERE looking up, now they are looking rather down. So I needed to get a student loan for LCCC for this fall semester well now I found out I can't get that loan because my GPA isn't a 2.0. Which means I either have to find a way to pay for college or not take classes this fall. It's so stressful, my dad told me to pay with it with the money I have but we're going to Chicago and I need money from that. And we already bought the tickets so I can't not go. ;| I mean, don't get me wrong I'm pumped for Chicago and I'm excited I'm going I just wish I could pay for my classes and books somehow.

So now I have to worry about paying to get my car fixed and now the rest of my tuition at LC and books. It's just really stressful and I feel like I'm about to have a breakdown or something. And my PMS isn't helping anything. I just need time away I think.

I dunno.
Blah.

It's been a while.

My computer isnt fixed but if I hook my desk top monitor up to my laptop than I can use is which is pretty cool I guess. So yeah, it's been a while since I updated anything, fail on my part. Haha. Well last week (I think it was last week) a bunch of us went to Put In Bay and that was super awesome! Than yesterday Kail, Steph, Kelly, and I went to the beach, than watched Nick and Norah's at Steph's house, got Hersey's ice cream, and than went back to Stephs house to watch The American President.

This summer has been pretty awesome!

And in a bit we're going to get our tickets for Spring Awakening in Chicago ;D Woo, good times.

Well, this is all for now, I'll write more later.

Ohh man,.

I have no computer and its killing me, right now Im at the library, I had a bunch of errands to do and needed a break so I stopped by here. I got my fall schedule figured out, I have a job which I hate but at least its a job right? And I might be going to Chicago in August! Super exciting.

Well I have to run but yeah. Hopefully my computer will be fixed soon!

I love your light,
Meranda

Watch As I Drown And Wonder Why

Im not going to beat around the bush, I'm going to come right out and say, I'm depressed. Highly depressed. I get those moments where I just get so down and blah blah blah. Yeah. I hate not having a job, it sucks so much. I want a job so I can actually go do things and go places and what not. Also my self confidence, it's at like zero percent. I want to be skinny and pretty. When I'm around my friends I feel like the fat ugly girl and I hate it so much. Extreme dieting sounds really good right about now.

Meranda

i should have been in bed like three hours ago mwhaha but atlas im not. i dont even know why im updating this, i dont have anything to say really. i feel kind of siiiick. and i still need to find one more class for freaking lccc, i just dont know what i want to take. haha. yep. and i need to find a job asap, i might do that tomorrow after i head up to the college.

hmm what else.
oh! i cut and dyed my hair. i got bangs and i look dumb with them. and than my hair was supposed to turn like golden-brown but it looks the exact same color as it did before i dyed it, so that was a fail.
hair!hair!hair!haaaaair.

and i have no cell phone D: my mom is suspending it till i find a job, please someone, let me find a job very VERY soon.

im sleepy and pms-y so im going to bed.

word,
meranda

Ohmygosh an Update

Alright, so blogging time. Yeah its like 3am and Sara is sleeping in my room and guess who is awake and bright eyed and bushy tailed? Oh thats right me! Laaaame. I want to sleep, I just cant, I think I might have insomnia. Who knows.

So yeah this weekend has been pretty rad. My parents are out of town for the weekend and friday night a bunch of people came over and we had a bonfire and we made smores and all that good stuff. And it was super fun. Than today/yesterday/the 4th of july Sara and I went to Crocker Park to see Shoshana Bean sing, she played Elphie in wicked on Broadway and she sung 'Defying Gravity' (i totally took a video of it and it WILL be on youtube tomorrow, I'll link it some time in case you wanna watch it) and while I was in the line at Starbucks I totally meet a Guilty One because I was wearing my Spring Awakening shirt so we fanned boy/girl the show while I was waiting for my Frappiccino. Than after all of that we went to Sara's aunt and uncle's and got some food, than went to watch the fireworks with them in Lorain. So it was a pretty sweeeet day.

Sara and I also decided that we are going to be Glinda and Ephie for Halloween cause thats how we roll. And I really REALLY need to find a job, I hate being unemployed and I need to find one more class to take at LCCC. Preferably a class on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 11am. So I think I'm going to figure the rest of my schedule out tomorrow and all that good stuff.

Well my eyes burn, I hope you all had an awesome Holiday and ate lots of good food.

I love your light,
Meranda.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

My parents are going to be out of town this weekend. :D Wooo.
But anywho this is going to be a weekend of awesomeness.
Friday night we're having a bon fire at my hour.
Than the 4th me and Sara are going to go to Crocker Park since the girl from Wicked is going to be there!

Not to mention singing and dancing around my front room with Sara and our microphones.
Haha.

I dont know what else to say.
Im eating a fudge pop and listening to music.
I think thats it.
wooo.

Update!

So, I really need to write about stuff in these so I think I will. I mean I know I write but I dont write anything good that people are going to actually want to read.

Tonight I went a on date type thing-ish. Okay, I wouldn't really call it a date but yeah. Here's what went down. Me and Travis meet up at the falls by the police department, we walked around and talked about stuff, than went back to his house and than we ended up going to Applebee's with Jared and their friend Sarah. It was a fun night though and Travis and I agreed that we need to hang out more. So that was fun.

I'm spending the day in Oberlin tomorrow with Sara. We're going to go see a free play so that should be fun.

Hmm, what else. Oh. I have a job interview Monday for Michael's. I'm really hoping that I get it because if I do than that means I can go to Chicago in August! Which would be just amazing. Well I think thats it for now.

<3.

More Photography ;D

This picture and the last one are from my Final Photography Portfolio. :) Each picture was done on a 35mm camera, hand developed, and hand processed in a dark room by me. Wooo.
<3.
So, what do you think of it?

Photography Time :)

I'm so proud of this photograph. You don't even know.
<3.

Offical LCCC Schedule.

Tuesday & Thursdays:

-Personality Theories: 11:00-12:15
-Intro To Shakespeare: 1:00-2:15
-Creative Writing: 4:00-5:15

Online Classes:
-Art History
-Basic Human Nutrition (this was actually on the list of classes at AIP...)

Yep.
:D


<3.

Not so Angsty.

First off I just want to say that its storming outside and I love, thunderstorms. It's such a summer time thing. :)

Anywho.
I'm less angsty now, which is good. Things didn't work out with Pittsburgh but Im just going to go to LCCC for another year and take classes that are going to transfer to AIP. Than I got my cell phone put in my name so I can earn some credit and I can get loans for AIP in my name. And plus it gives me a year to save money for down there and what not, and Im going to be saving a lot of money off of tuition as well. So I guess it's not all that bad.

And I have an interview Wednesday at Sears so I'm hoping that goes well because I really need a job so I can pay my car payment and cell phone bill and than save money for all the road trips next summer!

I think this is it for now, I'm going to go lay in bed and fall asleep listening to the storm.

<3.

Can You Tell Me?

“Can you tell me, what is it you’re afraid of?”


I think I’m reaching the point where everything is just continuing to build up and frankly I’m quite tired of it. This whole cosigner thing for college is ridiculous. All I need is someone to cosign for my first year of college and that I can be off and on my way to Pittsburgh in July, but lord forbid it be that easy. And it just sucks so much because this is what I want, I want to move to a big city, I want to get away from here and everyone, I want to go to an art school, and I want to be a photographer. But than of course its not all this easy. And I’m at a lost here. So lets break this into two different things, one being what my mom wants and the other being what I want.


What my mom wants:
First of all she wants me to go to school to be a teacher….first of all, I don’t even like kids but according to her I’m good with them. Second of all that requires me to speak in front of people which I don’t do. I can’t talk in front of people so why would I want to do something the requires me every day to get up in front of kids and talk? Yeah, no. But now she is also suggesting that I stay here, in Ohio, in which I hate, and continue to go to LCCC and while I’m a full time student at LCCC she wants me to work a full time job. So where do I find time to do homework or have a social life? Yeah, that’s right, there’s not time for that. And finally she always wanted to be a teacher and I feel like she’s pressuring me into living out her dream job since she cant.


“I am the one who waited and now you act like you just don’t give a damn, like you never knew who I am.”

What I want:
It’s the complete opposite of what my mom wants from me. My number one goal, well thing I want is to go to AIP in Pittsburgh for two years and major in Photography. Than after AIP I want to move to NYC and work for some magazine or do freelance. In my mind I just have this picture of me living in a loft in the East Village riding the subway into the city everyday and working and doing what I love. And maybe I could even do headshots for Playbills and famous actors. And than somewhere in the midst of all of this I find that one guy who understands my passion, who actually has things in common with me and who most of all gives me those butterflies every time I see him. That’s what I want in my life, I want to get away from Ohio and start my own life and live the life I want, not one that my mom wants me to have. She’s so conservative and she doesn’t understand what enthralls to this kind of life style. She doesn’t understand the passion I have for creativity. Her and I don’t appreciate the same things. And I want to be my own person and be able to form my opinion on controversial topics and not have to sit here and defend myself. I shouldn’t have to defend what I want when its my life and not hers.

“Some days I think I’m dying but I’m really only trying to get through.”

It feels at times that I’m just holding onto some kind of wish but this is what I want more than anything. I will do anything to make sure that I have this life, to make sure this is what I do with my career but most of all to make sure that I’m happy, not anyone else. Which I know probably sounds really selfish but I need to do what is going to make me happy and what I want.

This is the one thing I think I’m good at. No matter how much I love theater (musical and straight acting both) there is NO way I could pursue a career in that. No matter how much I love writing there’s no way to pursue a career in that either. As much as I love both of these I don’t require the talent for either of those. But photography, it’s the one thing that I am semi good at. It’s the one time I can feel at peace with myself and I feel like I’m doing something right.

I’m just really stressed out.

I know what I want and I feel like she, along with everyone else in my family isn’t supporting me in what I want to do. I know its not what they had in mind me for me but than my family needs to realize that I’m not like them. I wouldn’t be content with an office job and with living in Ohio my whole life, that’s not me and I need to do what is me. Sooner or later I’ll figure this all out but right now I just feel pressured and really stressed. Maybe this will all happen sooner than I think or maybe it will take some time but it’s what I want and I will do whatever it takes to make sure I achieve what I want.


“Can I turn to you, in my need. Will you take me back or watch me bleed? Are you there, there at all? And as I fall from the person that I tried to be, could you really love someone life me?” -’Once Upon A Time’ from Bare

Spring Awakening Part 2.

Wendla than finds Melchior writing in his diary and he ask her to sit with him for a while, so she does. They are both uneasy around one another and this leads to "Word Of Your Body". After this the other girls run out and Martha's braid come undone and Thea tells her not to worry about, that isn't it such a hassle to braid it each day? Wendla exclaims that tomorrow she is going to bring scissors and thats when Martha tells her not to because her dad beats her enough as it is. Martha shows rest of the girls the bruise on her arm from her father which leads to the song "The Dark I Know Well" the song is split up between Martha who is abused by her father and Ilse who was sexually abused by her father and who also ran away from home. After the song Wendla goes to find Melchior and when she does she tell him about Martha and says that she has never felt anything before. She holds up a stick and ask him to beat her with it. At first her denies her and than he complies and when he does he gets carried about and beats her with his fist.

Moritz had found out that he did not pass the semester and that he would probably not be promoted to the next year of classes. Fanny Gabor, Melchi's mom, wrote Moritz a letter in response to the one he had sent her. This leads to the song "And Than There Were None", which is a combination of Fanny writing the letter to Moritz and him responding back to her. Than Melchior is in his hayloft and he too is now confused of his body even though he knows more than most of his classmates, this leads to the song "Mirror Blue Night" in which he claims he is a man and a child. Wendla finds him and he does not want to face her due to what he did to her. She convinces him to talk to her and they do. Than all of a sudden they are confessing their love for one another. Melchi wants to take it one step further but Wendla who has no one idea whats going on tells him no. He keeps talking to her and they begin to kiss and once more he tries to go further than just kissing. Finally Wendla agrees to it and they have sex. All the other kids come and grabs the side of the hayloft and sing "I Believe". And this ends Act 1.






I will write act 2 later

Spring Awakening <3. Part 1.

So, I realize that I write about Spring Awakening a lot and people may not know what it is. Therefore, I am going to write about it and through in some pictures from it as well. Because I'm a loser and that's how I roll. There's probably going to be a ton of spoiler so if you don't want to be spoiled than you should probably stop reading.

The play starts off with Wendla, the main girl character, standing on a chair. This leads to the song "Mama Who Bore Me", she is unsure of her body and therefore is using her hands to explore it. After the song is over her mother comes in telling her that the stork has brought her sister another baby. Wendla, who is [i believe] 14 tells her mother that she can not still believe in the stork and this leads to her asking her mom where babies come from. Needles to say her mother is taken aback and at first refuses to tell Wendla where they come from. After some convincing her mother tells her that in order to conceive a child she must love her husband and only her husband with her whole heart. And that's how babies are made. Wendla exclaims, "Mama!" which leads into "Mama Who Bore Me(Reprise)" this time with all the other girl characters joining in.

Than we are in a classroom where the boys of Spring Awakening are reciting Latin. The teacher calls on all of them but when he calls on Moritz he is asleep so when the teacher wakes him up he messes up the words of Latin he is supposed to be saying for the teacher. Melchior, Moritz's friend stands up and defends him after the teacher begins to yell at Moritz. The teacher turns on Melchior than which leads to the song, "All That's Known". The teacher leaves and Moritz thanks Melchior and than proceeds to tell him about the 'nightmare' he had had. Melchior explains that the other boys such as Otto and Georg have had the same kind of dream as well and that it was completely alright but Moritz is so terrified about what is happening to his body. The teacher walks back in and catches the boys talking, he grabs Moritz by the ear and yells at him which leads to the song, "The Bitch of a Living". All the other boys leave and Melchior ask Moritz if he wants him to tell him about sex with a woman and Moritz tells him to write it down.

All the girls come out and are talking about what they are wearing to their friends wedding and Wendla states that she can not go to it because of the man her friend is marrying. Than the girls begin to talk about their crushes and who they hope to marry. This leads to the song "My Junk" the light fades on the girls and high light on Hanschen who is masturbating to a picture of Desdemona as Othello is getting ready to murder her, than the light fades on him and lights up on Georg who is having a piano lesson and is getting turned on by his piano teacher. The girls start to dance, Hanschen continues to masturbate, and Georg's piano teacher rips off her top and they start to dance with one another and this is all done while the are singing rest of the song. They all run off the stage and than we find Melchior in his room writing in his diary. His mother comes in and tells him that Moritz is there, Moritz runs in and exclaims that he was up all night reading the essay Melchi had wrote him. He says he is confused by it and ask how the woman must feel and Melchi tells him that he just puts himself in the woman's place and imagine what it must feel for her. This leads to "Touch Me". During the song all the other boys come out with copies of Melchi's letter and lays down and reads them. Than the girls come out as well and they follow one another in a line singing rest of the song.




I will write more later!

my foot really itches.
no really it does, but that is not the point of the blog. so lets throw in a random picture eh? alright lets do this.

oh! there was a point to this blog and now i completely remember! so i called my admission adviser yesterday to find out about the transcripts that were sent to her, i was expecting maybe you know five credit hours to transfer over but when i called she told me that 17 credit hours transfered!! and that's saving me $8,500 dollars this semester. the finical aid adviser is going to call me monday and let me know if my financial aid is going to cover all the expenses now and if they do than well i'm out of ohio in a month! so im keeping my fingers crossed that this will all work out. im getting so pumped now. haha.

also, i read somewhere that lucas wells auditioned for spring awakening online, he sent in his video on the website and what not and now [well he's been there for a while] is on with the spring awakening cast. so this gives me hope on sending in my audition via the inter webs. i keep saying im going to do it but knowing me i will NEVER get around to it because thats how i roll. haha.

blah.blah. i got kicked out of my house a few days ago but now im back. i can stay here as long as i go talk to someone or whatever. and my mom is turning the internet off but i can check all the websites and stuff at the library and maybe it will be good for me not to have a steady source of the internet. whatevs man. because hopefully i will be gone soon anyways :)

well i think this covers it for now. im off to bed.

<333.

ohh man;;

kicked out of the house. slept on brittany's basement floor last night and now im super siiick. and when im sick i am not happy at all.

17 credit hours transfered to AIP, they're going to call me monday and let me know if all my financial aid will cover the price now.

i think this covers it for now.
<3.

AMAZING. :)

Today was amazing. There is no other words to describe it. Its a moment that you had to be there for. But anywho I'm going to be a massive fan girl and write about it and throw in some pictures as a I go. Note the picture to the left. That's Blake Bashoff. He's the lead in Spring Awakening, Moritz. He also played Karl on Lost. :) But back to today.

So, we drove to Pittsburgh to see Spring Awakening and the really cool thing is that they have seats on stage that you can sit in and the actors literally sit with you when they are not on the stage performing. So we bought three of those tickets, we has an ensemble member sitting in the chair next to us, than one of the cast members stood next to us, we had two of them behind, one in front of us, and than across the aisle for us. So needless to say we were surrounded by cast and ensemble members a like. I think the easiest thing for me to do is write this in order based off of the songs that stood out to me. So this might be boring if you don't know what I'm talking about.

Mama Who Bore Me/Mama Who Bore Me (Reprise): Christy's voice is amazing and her facial expressions are amazing. And the scene about the stork with her mom was great. I know nothing too specific but I thought it was by far one of the stand out songs. The reprise was...dare I say it? Fierce. Those girls rock so much. BUT I CAN NOT STAND GABBY! And it's not just in this scene, I just HATE how she portrays Anna and she sucks at singing but thats besides the point. Lets move on.

All Thats Known: I have never been a fan of Kyle but his voice was just amazing in this number, considering he was out most of the week. His voice has that right amount of edge and it blew me away. Usually his Melchior is cocky but today he seemed more mellow, which could be due to the fact he was taking it easy since he has been sick.

Bitch Of A Living: OHMYGOSH! This is one of my favorite songs hands down but sitting on stage is something crazy. Anthony has some intense eye contact, he was starring down audience members and getting right in our faces singing to us. And those moves all the boys do are so much cooler up close. And when the stomp on the floor you could feel it in our seats. I didn't think it could get better than this but oh it did. Haha.


(note the picture to the right. this is matt singledecker aka Shishi. He plays Georg! Amazing voice, we had his harmonies right in our ears at one point and it was heavenly. and he was super sweet at the stagedoor.)


My Junk: One of the more funnier scenes and so well done. Matt trying to seduce his piano teacher was hilarious because we were right there during the scene. He was "motor boating" in her corset. xD And Andy is just wonderful during his...well his masturbation part of the song. Matt's voice is heavenly and Andy plays Hanschen as such a creeper but Andy's voice is very nice as well. The girls were good in this scene, I loved Kiminko's "He's such a radical!" line. And again Gabby should not be allowed to sing.

Touch Me: So. So. So. Good. Words cant describe this song, its so pretty and the boys solo are gorgeous. Ben and Matt killed their solos, I could watch a two hour play of just this song. Blake's and Kyle's chemistry was good and Blake's "penis and vagina" comment got tons of laughs. Beautiful, thats all I have got to say.

Dark I Know Well: Another one of my favorites, though I was worried because Krystina was on for Steffi D who usually plays Ilse. So when this scene came, I was nervous for her. But as soon as she opened her mouth I was at ease. Krystina's voice was so good and haunting though she did get drowned out when Sarah sung with her.

Don't Do Sadness/Blue Wind: Blake Bashoff is a rock star and it shows in this scene. I knew this was going to be heart wrenching and boy was I right. As soon as Blake said his "why did you frighten me? damn it" I lost it. The boy has legit tears in his eyes at this point. You could just feel the emotion pouring off of him. It broke my heart. Again Krystina got drowned out by Blake but thats not the point here. When Blake started rolling up the mic cord and saying his monologue I lose it. I mean when I saw this scene before yeah it was heart breaking but being on stage and seeing the tears rolling down his face just made it that more emotional and I was bawling like a baby. By the time he got to his "what will i tell the angels......" and "so darks" i was a complete mess. Which leads to the next heart wrenching scene.

(note the picture to the left. thats me and anthony lee medina. the one who was starring us down during bitch of a living. haha. he was great and his stare is so intense and his harmonies in the closing song was great cause he was right in front of us.)


Left Behind: Again, Im not a fan of Kyle but I was sobbing during this song. Ugh. It felt like you were a part of that funeral and all of the cast members were legit crying as well. Sarah Hunt has tears running down her face as few as the other cast members. To see this much emotion from the cast added to what us, the audience was feeling. Again this has always been a sad scene to see from the house but seeing it from the stage seats adds so much emotion. And the Adult Man, my god, his face as Kyle approach him killed me. It twisted in such agony and I wanted to hug him or something. This was just heart breaking and I loved every minute of it.

Totally Fucked: LOVE. Haha. This got a lot of laughs. Their dancing is crazy and it was so awesome watching everyone's dance moves. Anthony did a back flip, Julie was climbing all over the stairs next to us. This is the one song that you have to see live to get the full effect.





So much more happened and it was just amazing. But I'm too lazy to write anything else. Haha.


<3.
Meranda

I have so much love for Shishi and Anthony now.

Bohemian Like You

"I'm getting wise,

and i'm feeling so Bohemian like you,

It's you that I want so please,

just a casual, casual easy thing.

Is it? It is for me.And I like you."

-The Dandy Warhols, 'Bohemian Like You'

Lets ignore all the stress of trying to figure out all this college stuff and focus on the good things. Okay? Okay. So, in like 3 days Im going to see Spring Awakening in Pittsburgh!!! And we got stage seats. Maaan, Im so pumped for this. Haha. Im hoping theres an understudy for Kyle though because Im not a big fan of him. I would love, LOVE to see Perry!Melchi. I know Kyle has been out the last few days because hes sick and we're going to see it the last that its in Pittsburgh so I doubt that Kyle will be out the whole week. So we'll probably get stuck with Kyle as Melchior. But whaev man, whatev. Haha. And hopefully Blake wont have an understudy because I am dying to hear his harmonies right behind me during some of the songs. Man. I am a loser.

Okay. Enough with the Spring Awakening stuff. xD

Um. Today was another lame day. Didnt do much of anything, played the Sims2, read, and slept. I really need to find a job. We applied for another loan for AIP so lets see if we get it or not. I hope I get it because its basically our last shot at a loan and if I dont get it than Im totally fucked. Nuff said.

If everything fails with this college thing than my new plan is simple. I will work full time for a year and than I will move to New York City, well the East Village but its in New York City and the apartments in the East Village are so so cheap and its like a bohemian village, which I would fit perfect into. So thats pretty much my plan B. Haha.

Well, this is it for now.

<3.

Laaaazy.

Today was the most unproductive day of my life. What did I do? Well, I shall tell you what I did today. Lol. [man I feel so lame.] I woke up, finished the book I was reading, started a new book, slept, finished the book I started, and now Im on here. Yup. Thats what my day consisted of. And frankly I loved it. Its summer Im allowed to be lazy. Well at least thats what I keep telling myself.

I do need to find a job though. Badly.

So. Yeah. No exciting blog today from me. Haha.

6 Daaaays! Woo.

<3.

:D

So today, well technically yesterday was a fun day. Me && Sara went to the beach than afterwards we got some ice cream because well frankly thats how we roll, ya hear? It's officially summer break and I am pretty pumped for that but since I AM going to AIP I start July 13. Lame. So I have lets just say about a month left before I have to head down there for college. So Im trying to do as much as I can and hang out with as many people as possible before I leave. I mean Im excited to go away for college but at the same time its still a bit nerve wrecking but hey, thats life.

So yeah, I realized my last few entries have been...angsty? Haha. Sorry about that, I swear Im not crazy or emotionally unstable.

In about a week we get to go see Spring Awakening, Im so pumped for this. Haha. Hmm. I dunno what else to say in this so I guess this is it for now. I need to get back into the habit of blogging everyday or something because I have been slacking.

OH! If you have any book recommendations, tell me in comments, that would be very rad of you.

<3.
Meranda

Ohh Hey;;

Not much to say.


13 days till spring awakening.
<3.

Yup.

So, I could sit here and complain once more about my day but after reading Hayley G Hoover's blog I wanna make a list of childrens name for my non-existent children. So here it goes:



Boys:
-Hanschen. I really like this name, I mean how often do you hear this name? Yeah thats right you dont. But than There's that possibility that he wold be made fun of. But still, I think its a kick ass name.
-Davis. Eh. Not my favorite but its semi normal.
-Aaden. I like how it looks spelt but Im not really a big fan of the name itself.
-Benjamin. Its sounds like a strong name and when I think of someone names Benjamin I picture them being this big, intuitive person. Or a theater dork. Eh.
-Moritz. HAHA. The poor kid. Moritz Steifel -chuckle chuckle-

I like more boys name but I cant think/remember them.

Girls:
-Ilse. Hands down. This is my favorite girl name ever.
-Makenna. This is in the top of my favorite girls name or the name Id use if my husband didnt like Ilse. Wait- who cares what my husband thinks, Im the oe who is giving birth.
-Makay.
-Maddison. I see an on going theme with M name.

And again Im sure there's more but Im too lazy to think of them



I dunno why this is still bold. Ohhh. Well.


Oh. There we go. This is better now. Haha. I did buy a dress for Spring Awakening today, its a blue halter top with white pen stripes in it and Im going to put a white cardigan over it and black ballet flats. Yeeeeah. Haha. Okay, I think this is it for now.


Days Till Spring Awakening: 17.

Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah

So, I have always been one of those people who has like their whole life planned out by the time they are 12 years old. And now my life is taking a shit. I mean, I have always known what I wanted to do with my life. Its simple. Go to College. Move to New York City. Be a Photographer. The End.

But now Im debating if I am even going back to college in the fall. The way I look at it theres no point, I mean the college Im at now doesnt even offer photography as a major, wtf? So why go back? It makes no sense to me. Even my mom told me to take a year off or change my major. HELLO!!!!? Thats not part of the plan that I created for myself way back when. Aglflfzlkh. If I dont go back to college Im going to work full time in hopes of earning enough money to move to New York next year. Maybe that will work out. Who. Knows.

Sometimes I wish I could go back and redo my whole life over. What would I do differently? I would have stuck with drama and choir and musical theater would have been my major. I would have stuck with playing the violin and guitar. I would have taken piano lessons. And now to me it feels like Ive wasted my life on things I love.

Is this even making sense? No. Its not.

Im just angsty. So much. And I cant even talk to any of my friends here about whats going on because I dont feel comfortable doing so.

This was going to be an awesome blog but it turned into this. Go figure. Im bitter at life. Okaythanxbaiii.

End of ranty/emo/angsty blog.


<3.

Okay...Really?

So, when I get inspired my blog I try to find it and somehow I never can? Maybe I should bookmark my own blog so I can find it? You know what, I think I will. Because I can and thats how I roll.

Ugh.

Massive rant-age ahead. So be prepared, I warned you.

Well, first of all Im supposed to be writing my final for my Children's Literature class but hey whatever Im not in the mood for it, oh and whats that? Its due today? Oh actually today in about 12 hours? Oh well, thanks self for informing me of that. :D

So, the college I wanted to go to in Pittsburgh is a no go. There is no way Im paying $56,000 in student loans for a college that has no campus and what not and that is only for two years!!!! Why pay that much when the college Im dying to go to in NYC is only $18,000 a year, including board? Yeah, crazy. So hopefully my aunt will drive me out to NYC in July for the open house. Because I want to go that school for sure.

So this means Im going back to my shitty community college in the fall, with classes that I have NO desire to take. Ugh. Here's the undesirable classes:

TR:

Exploring The Bible- 11:00am- 12:15pm[[ehh, im iffy about this one]]
Intro To Shakespeare- 1:00pm- 2:15pm
Creative Writing- 4:00-5:15pm

MWF:

Collegiate Choir- 12:00-12:50


Anytime:

Independent Art Studies




Yeah. FAIL.




So on top of all of this I am now unemployed. Lets make a long story short here. Me and a customer got into it at work, I called a manager down. Manager blamed me and what not. I got into it with my manager and I sort of just left. Oops.

And one more thing. My cell phone isnt working. Ugh. I cant send or receive calls and text messages and now I have to wait till they send me a new phone. Word of advice, dont get the LG scoop from Alltel, Ive had so many problems with that phone.

Well, Im going to go do this Child. Lit thing so I can go to bed. I have to be up in 7 hours to go to class. But on a good note today [since it is past midnight] is my last day of classes till the fall. Im so excited.


Days Till Spring Awakening: 19

<3.

Mmmm.

i wanted to update this and than i realized i have nothing good to talk about. hmm. im just in a grmupy mood thats all. and im doing a photo shoot wednesday at school for my final portfolio and im nervous to do it. yeah all the models are my friends but im nervous to direct people and tell them what to do. i mean im excited to do it, im just...well nervous. haha. i dont want to mess it up and i dont want people to get bored while doing this. so we shall see how it goes.

im going to see rent saturday :D yaya.

i think this is it for now. nothing good to really say.


xoxox,
meranda


"you said all you wanted was a kiss goodnight..."

And All Shall The Wonder...

So, I was going to do that blog every day in april thing but Im kind of already behind by oh you know, a few days. Blaaah. Haha. But I guess I can write a blog every once in a while ya know. So lets see, what to write about. I dropped my Sociology class today. Yeeeah, it was lame and stuff.

So. Spring Awakening. I saw it three times when it was in Cleveland and staged door all of the shows. Haha. And let me tell you, those actors are some of the nicest and awesome(est) people ever. Even though it was freezing they stayed there and talked and took pictures and what not with us. It was amazing. If you havent seen/heard spring awakening look it up on youtube. Seriously. Its one of the few plays I can relate to so much. OH! So when we saw it in Cleveland we didnt know about the stage seats, so we ended up buying stage seats for when its in Pittsburgh! Ahh, Im pumped. I think this ends my Spring Awakening fangirling. Haha.

Im going to see RENT April 18th...in Pittsburgh. Haha. So yeah. Not much else to say.

I dont do sadness, not even a little bit.

so im a creeper and i was reading melissa's blog and than i felt the urge to update mine since its been forever. hmm.

yeah.

so tomorrow, march 5th is my 19th birthday. woohoo. i mean im excited but at the same time im nervous because it means im getting older and i really dont know what im going to do or what i want to do with my life. i mean the only goal i really have for myself is moving to nyc. and thats not a really good goal. ugh. i always get so stressed around the time of my birthday. blah. blah. blah.

on to good news. im going to see spring awakening sunday with stephanie. jfljdsjsljwego. im sooo excited, im hoping that MAYBE we will get to meet the cast at the stagedoor. we shall see. we shal see.

umm i have a headache. yeah. good stuff. my blogs are so friggin random.

i think this is it for now. haha.
<3

in midnights, in cups of coffee.

really? i cant write with a large font, it makes me feel likes im yelling at the people who are reading my stuff. haha and i think it looks tacky i dunno maybe its like an OCD thing, probably not. anywho. so i decided what ever song im listening to while writing this a line from it is going to be the subject of the post, snazzy i know. so i im going to try to write in this every day or every other day or something like that, i want to document this year of my life so im going to document it in blogging and in pictures. sounds good to me. hmm :) this post is so random, im just typing whatever comes to mind.

i need to get a new job, theres no way im going to be able to pay for all these trips this year if i keep getting crappy hours at work. i mean three days a week, really? thats only 15 hours a week! not near enough what i need to be working. so im going job hunting this week. and and and;; my freaking online is so complicated i dont know what im supposed to be doing for the lessons and the first one is due sunday at 11:55pm so i have to sit down tomorrow and figure that stuff out so i dont fail it.

well, not much else to really say i guess. i need to go to bed cause i have to work in the a.m and all that good stuff.

"you laugh until you cry-
you cry until you laugh.
and everyone must breathe until their dying breath"

'On The Radio' by Regina Spektor

Ho Hum.

I think I should plan out what Im going to write in here before I actually write. I honestly sat here for five minutes looking at the screen deciding what I wanted to write. Is that bad? I think it is. Ha. Im feeling angsty. Sort of. And I have nothing to say so I bring to you a poem by moi:

Mister

Listen to me.
Focus on my voice.
Look into my eyes.

Stop.

Don’t listen to them.
They are the ones who don’t care.

You need a friend.
You need me.
I am here for you.

Their voices mean nothing to you.
Just another language of the tongue.

Please, I’m begging you.
Do not listen.
Stop, please.
Don’t do this to me.

Ignore them, ignore their nonnative speak.
It’s garbage, junk, words that don’t make sense.
I’m the one who needs you.
The one who cares.
The one who will fight by your side.

Please, mister, put those pills down.
You don’t need them.
You need to listen.
To speak for yourself.

Don’t let them tell you what to do.

Please, please.
Please, cough those pills back up.

Haha. Well.

I always say Im going to get a blog and write all of my stuff in here and well I finally got around to doing so. :) So it's a new year and so far this year has been amazing. I got to meet Anthony Rapp && Adam Pascal [Anthony Rapp has always been a hero of mine and to have got to meet him was a dream come true!] who are the original Mark & Roger from RENT and was in the movie verison of it as well. So they were in Cleveland for the Farewell tour of RENT so we went out and got to meet them. Than that same night we went as saw RENT and afterwards we waited at the stagedoor for the actors and got to meet them again as well as Lexi Lawson who played Mimi. So I went to see RENT yet again on the 11th of January and once more we went to the stagedoor where we got to meet even more people. We got to meet Nicolette Hart who played Maureen, the guys who played: Benny, Angel, Mr. Jefferson and the guy who sings "Honest Living" during Christmas Bells. As well as Anthony [Adam was sick so he didnt come out that day] and Lexi again. They all were so nice and took pictures and signed our playbills and what not. So getting to meet and talk to Anthony three times was just mind blowing. Its one of those things that you will never forget. And Im so glad thats how I got to start my new year off.

I started college again yesterday. The only class Im really liking is my Photography 3 class. Im just not a fan of college. Its not what I want to be doing. I just want to go to New York and make a name/career for myself there doing wat I love to do living in a place that I adore more than you know. I made a promise to myself, if things dont look up in the next few months Im going to take whatever money I have and just pack up my car and leave and head to new york city. I might fuck my life up but would it really be called fucking it up if Im doing what I love in a place that I love making myself happy? Would that be considered as fucking up? Who knows.

No day But Today.

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