in midnights, in cups of coffee.

really? i cant write with a large font, it makes me feel likes im yelling at the people who are reading my stuff. haha and i think it looks tacky i dunno maybe its like an OCD thing, probably not. anywho. so i decided what ever song im listening to while writing this a line from it is going to be the subject of the post, snazzy i know. so i im going to try to write in this every day or every other day or something like that, i want to document this year of my life so im going to document it in blogging and in pictures. sounds good to me. hmm :) this post is so random, im just typing whatever comes to mind.

i need to get a new job, theres no way im going to be able to pay for all these trips this year if i keep getting crappy hours at work. i mean three days a week, really? thats only 15 hours a week! not near enough what i need to be working. so im going job hunting this week. and and and;; my freaking online is so complicated i dont know what im supposed to be doing for the lessons and the first one is due sunday at 11:55pm so i have to sit down tomorrow and figure that stuff out so i dont fail it.

well, not much else to really say i guess. i need to go to bed cause i have to work in the a.m and all that good stuff.

"you laugh until you cry-
you cry until you laugh.
and everyone must breathe until their dying breath"

'On The Radio' by Regina Spektor

Ho Hum.

I think I should plan out what Im going to write in here before I actually write. I honestly sat here for five minutes looking at the screen deciding what I wanted to write. Is that bad? I think it is. Ha. Im feeling angsty. Sort of. And I have nothing to say so I bring to you a poem by moi:

Mister

Listen to me.
Focus on my voice.
Look into my eyes.

Stop.

Don’t listen to them.
They are the ones who don’t care.

You need a friend.
You need me.
I am here for you.

Their voices mean nothing to you.
Just another language of the tongue.

Please, I’m begging you.
Do not listen.
Stop, please.
Don’t do this to me.

Ignore them, ignore their nonnative speak.
It’s garbage, junk, words that don’t make sense.
I’m the one who needs you.
The one who cares.
The one who will fight by your side.

Please, mister, put those pills down.
You don’t need them.
You need to listen.
To speak for yourself.

Don’t let them tell you what to do.

Please, please.
Please, cough those pills back up.

Haha. Well.

I always say Im going to get a blog and write all of my stuff in here and well I finally got around to doing so. :) So it's a new year and so far this year has been amazing. I got to meet Anthony Rapp && Adam Pascal [Anthony Rapp has always been a hero of mine and to have got to meet him was a dream come true!] who are the original Mark & Roger from RENT and was in the movie verison of it as well. So they were in Cleveland for the Farewell tour of RENT so we went out and got to meet them. Than that same night we went as saw RENT and afterwards we waited at the stagedoor for the actors and got to meet them again as well as Lexi Lawson who played Mimi. So I went to see RENT yet again on the 11th of January and once more we went to the stagedoor where we got to meet even more people. We got to meet Nicolette Hart who played Maureen, the guys who played: Benny, Angel, Mr. Jefferson and the guy who sings "Honest Living" during Christmas Bells. As well as Anthony [Adam was sick so he didnt come out that day] and Lexi again. They all were so nice and took pictures and signed our playbills and what not. So getting to meet and talk to Anthony three times was just mind blowing. Its one of those things that you will never forget. And Im so glad thats how I got to start my new year off.

I started college again yesterday. The only class Im really liking is my Photography 3 class. Im just not a fan of college. Its not what I want to be doing. I just want to go to New York and make a name/career for myself there doing wat I love to do living in a place that I adore more than you know. I made a promise to myself, if things dont look up in the next few months Im going to take whatever money I have and just pack up my car and leave and head to new york city. I might fuck my life up but would it really be called fucking it up if Im doing what I love in a place that I love making myself happy? Would that be considered as fucking up? Who knows.

No day But Today.

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