Update!

So, I really need to write about stuff in these so I think I will. I mean I know I write but I dont write anything good that people are going to actually want to read.

Tonight I went a on date type thing-ish. Okay, I wouldn't really call it a date but yeah. Here's what went down. Me and Travis meet up at the falls by the police department, we walked around and talked about stuff, than went back to his house and than we ended up going to Applebee's with Jared and their friend Sarah. It was a fun night though and Travis and I agreed that we need to hang out more. So that was fun.

I'm spending the day in Oberlin tomorrow with Sara. We're going to go see a free play so that should be fun.

Hmm, what else. Oh. I have a job interview Monday for Michael's. I'm really hoping that I get it because if I do than that means I can go to Chicago in August! Which would be just amazing. Well I think thats it for now.

<3.

More Photography ;D

This picture and the last one are from my Final Photography Portfolio. :) Each picture was done on a 35mm camera, hand developed, and hand processed in a dark room by me. Wooo.
<3.
So, what do you think of it?

Photography Time :)

I'm so proud of this photograph. You don't even know.
<3.

Offical LCCC Schedule.

Tuesday & Thursdays:

-Personality Theories: 11:00-12:15
-Intro To Shakespeare: 1:00-2:15
-Creative Writing: 4:00-5:15

Online Classes:
-Art History
-Basic Human Nutrition (this was actually on the list of classes at AIP...)

Yep.
:D


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Not so Angsty.

First off I just want to say that its storming outside and I love, thunderstorms. It's such a summer time thing. :)

Anywho.
I'm less angsty now, which is good. Things didn't work out with Pittsburgh but Im just going to go to LCCC for another year and take classes that are going to transfer to AIP. Than I got my cell phone put in my name so I can earn some credit and I can get loans for AIP in my name. And plus it gives me a year to save money for down there and what not, and Im going to be saving a lot of money off of tuition as well. So I guess it's not all that bad.

And I have an interview Wednesday at Sears so I'm hoping that goes well because I really need a job so I can pay my car payment and cell phone bill and than save money for all the road trips next summer!

I think this is it for now, I'm going to go lay in bed and fall asleep listening to the storm.

<3.

Can You Tell Me?

“Can you tell me, what is it you’re afraid of?”


I think I’m reaching the point where everything is just continuing to build up and frankly I’m quite tired of it. This whole cosigner thing for college is ridiculous. All I need is someone to cosign for my first year of college and that I can be off and on my way to Pittsburgh in July, but lord forbid it be that easy. And it just sucks so much because this is what I want, I want to move to a big city, I want to get away from here and everyone, I want to go to an art school, and I want to be a photographer. But than of course its not all this easy. And I’m at a lost here. So lets break this into two different things, one being what my mom wants and the other being what I want.


What my mom wants:
First of all she wants me to go to school to be a teacher….first of all, I don’t even like kids but according to her I’m good with them. Second of all that requires me to speak in front of people which I don’t do. I can’t talk in front of people so why would I want to do something the requires me every day to get up in front of kids and talk? Yeah, no. But now she is also suggesting that I stay here, in Ohio, in which I hate, and continue to go to LCCC and while I’m a full time student at LCCC she wants me to work a full time job. So where do I find time to do homework or have a social life? Yeah, that’s right, there’s not time for that. And finally she always wanted to be a teacher and I feel like she’s pressuring me into living out her dream job since she cant.


“I am the one who waited and now you act like you just don’t give a damn, like you never knew who I am.”

What I want:
It’s the complete opposite of what my mom wants from me. My number one goal, well thing I want is to go to AIP in Pittsburgh for two years and major in Photography. Than after AIP I want to move to NYC and work for some magazine or do freelance. In my mind I just have this picture of me living in a loft in the East Village riding the subway into the city everyday and working and doing what I love. And maybe I could even do headshots for Playbills and famous actors. And than somewhere in the midst of all of this I find that one guy who understands my passion, who actually has things in common with me and who most of all gives me those butterflies every time I see him. That’s what I want in my life, I want to get away from Ohio and start my own life and live the life I want, not one that my mom wants me to have. She’s so conservative and she doesn’t understand what enthralls to this kind of life style. She doesn’t understand the passion I have for creativity. Her and I don’t appreciate the same things. And I want to be my own person and be able to form my opinion on controversial topics and not have to sit here and defend myself. I shouldn’t have to defend what I want when its my life and not hers.

“Some days I think I’m dying but I’m really only trying to get through.”

It feels at times that I’m just holding onto some kind of wish but this is what I want more than anything. I will do anything to make sure that I have this life, to make sure this is what I do with my career but most of all to make sure that I’m happy, not anyone else. Which I know probably sounds really selfish but I need to do what is going to make me happy and what I want.

This is the one thing I think I’m good at. No matter how much I love theater (musical and straight acting both) there is NO way I could pursue a career in that. No matter how much I love writing there’s no way to pursue a career in that either. As much as I love both of these I don’t require the talent for either of those. But photography, it’s the one thing that I am semi good at. It’s the one time I can feel at peace with myself and I feel like I’m doing something right.

I’m just really stressed out.

I know what I want and I feel like she, along with everyone else in my family isn’t supporting me in what I want to do. I know its not what they had in mind me for me but than my family needs to realize that I’m not like them. I wouldn’t be content with an office job and with living in Ohio my whole life, that’s not me and I need to do what is me. Sooner or later I’ll figure this all out but right now I just feel pressured and really stressed. Maybe this will all happen sooner than I think or maybe it will take some time but it’s what I want and I will do whatever it takes to make sure I achieve what I want.


“Can I turn to you, in my need. Will you take me back or watch me bleed? Are you there, there at all? And as I fall from the person that I tried to be, could you really love someone life me?” -’Once Upon A Time’ from Bare

Spring Awakening Part 2.

Wendla than finds Melchior writing in his diary and he ask her to sit with him for a while, so she does. They are both uneasy around one another and this leads to "Word Of Your Body". After this the other girls run out and Martha's braid come undone and Thea tells her not to worry about, that isn't it such a hassle to braid it each day? Wendla exclaims that tomorrow she is going to bring scissors and thats when Martha tells her not to because her dad beats her enough as it is. Martha shows rest of the girls the bruise on her arm from her father which leads to the song "The Dark I Know Well" the song is split up between Martha who is abused by her father and Ilse who was sexually abused by her father and who also ran away from home. After the song Wendla goes to find Melchior and when she does she tell him about Martha and says that she has never felt anything before. She holds up a stick and ask him to beat her with it. At first her denies her and than he complies and when he does he gets carried about and beats her with his fist.

Moritz had found out that he did not pass the semester and that he would probably not be promoted to the next year of classes. Fanny Gabor, Melchi's mom, wrote Moritz a letter in response to the one he had sent her. This leads to the song "And Than There Were None", which is a combination of Fanny writing the letter to Moritz and him responding back to her. Than Melchior is in his hayloft and he too is now confused of his body even though he knows more than most of his classmates, this leads to the song "Mirror Blue Night" in which he claims he is a man and a child. Wendla finds him and he does not want to face her due to what he did to her. She convinces him to talk to her and they do. Than all of a sudden they are confessing their love for one another. Melchi wants to take it one step further but Wendla who has no one idea whats going on tells him no. He keeps talking to her and they begin to kiss and once more he tries to go further than just kissing. Finally Wendla agrees to it and they have sex. All the other kids come and grabs the side of the hayloft and sing "I Believe". And this ends Act 1.






I will write act 2 later